If you feel as though more professional help is required, we implore you to, please, seek help from the helpline available in the US here: 1-800-273-8255 or you can find your local helpline internationally on this list here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Right now - through SMARTphones and Apps they are softening you (and your kids) up for a lifetime of exploitation. As with children, this is more common in situations where there is a power differential – for example by someone older or physically stronger, or by a professional who has a measure of control over you, such as a doctor or a teacher. Am I being groomed? no i think you've mistaken me here, I really do not aspire to be a victim of any sort. I posted something on Instagram and she ended up messaging me. Rory Hall, The Daily Coin and Gospel News Network. An 11th doesn’t date an 8th grader unless something really wrong with them. Trust your gut. It made me realize the magic of things that we take for granted every day. They don’t know him! That's not typically how grooming works seeing as they were both legally minors the first two years of their relationship. Am I being groomed? Recently, she told me that she had a crush on me, and has had one since around the beginning of July. That's a predator. Don’t Call It Consent: Being Groomed for Sex. I wish I knew how not to feel that way when I was your age, it was such a roadblock (and one of my own insecurities to be exploited by emotional predators). Being able to literally just get up and walk outside whenever I want. I am 16 f and I don’t know if I’m being groomed or not by my cousin’s boyfriend who is 20, but almost 21. The grooming happens quickly, not allowing for adequate time to analyze what is happening, how your life is being consumed by the psychopath or how you’re losing your power. Thank you all so very much and I wish nothing but happiness for all of us. No you are not being groomed, he is a guy the same damn age as you. I've always been a big sister to everyone and grew up too fast. Because I was groomed I didn’t understand what was happening. The antisocial ones will say "it's fight or flight" because they also want the victim to feel shame, but the truth is it's fight, flight, freeze and friend, those are the 4 reactions to trauma. Should I break it up? So my cousin has been dating this guy for probably 2 ish years, and he’s come to our house regularly for family get-togethers. He sounds like a complete tool. What is grooming? Me and this guy have been dating for 2 years now. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. There are people for you talk to – like our Childline counsellors. Thank everyone for the helpful advice. But I also have a friend who knows a girl who was 13 dating a 21 year old; and her mother supported it. When I was around 13 I was in contact with an older women. yep, you’re being groomed. Am I being groomed? My family blamed me for this adults actions and said I left willingly, I thought he loved me but adults shouldn’t and cannot love children in such a way,such a toxic and sexual way. But always remember that it's the people who will make your life difficult for being nice who are the bad ones, not you. But, at 14, this love-starved girl likely saw this affection and special treatment not as the grooming methods of a trafficker but as the kindness of her uncle when nobody else seemed to care for her. He may have genuinely had feelings for you since he pursued you after stopped things. I'll list some known red flags though: he talked about marriage pretty early in the relationship, he talked about beating up my ex (a LOT), he's outta school, he constantly asks if I love him, even though he says he's bi he makes fun of LGBT issues unironically, he has that 'teens now are pussies and teens before were chads' mindset. There'll be plenty who tell you to stop and they're also wrong. In case he doesn’t take the break up well you need to be protected. This woman pretended to be someone else, but when the daughter went to meet her, she was not the person she said she was. I dont necessarily know if youre being groomed but I personally think anyone who is 18 and dating someone younger 13-15...then yes...youre more than likely being groomed. No adult genuinely wants to be friend with a 14 year old, that's always a huge red flag so be wary. Am I Being Groomed? 12 votes, 59 comments. It sounds sinister because it is. Here is some back story: I’m a 22 y/o female, in the real estate industry, been in it for about two years going on to three. What is grooming? 27: GertrudePerk… 19/03/21 23:48: My 4 year olds homework?? I've been thinking about my life and how maybe I should be living like a teenager. They might use secrecy, blame, gifts or threats of violence to stop you from telling somebody. Mentally inflexible. And can hold onto a point of contention like a wild dog with a bone. If you think you're being groomed don't worry about getting in trouble – you haven't done anything wrong. He's been very nice but I still feel like I'm being taken advantage of. When I was 17 I met this 40 year old married man and we became friends and he told me he liked me and made me perform oral sex on him because in his words "you will be 18 in a few months anyway" :/ I never saw him again but I still feel victimised Should I break it up? You should leave him. Basically, I’m a 16-year-old girl and my friend (24m) has just started to be … Not saying I think this is a healthy relationship or good age gap but this guy was 16 when he started talking to her at 13. I don’t want to believe that’s true obviously but I feel like he’s at least honestly interested in me instead of trying to manipulate me. Good thing is your self aware and he hasn’t managed to get you in his clutches yet. Grooming can occur face to face or over the internet and involves any communication with a child in order to commit a sexual offence. We have been friends for about a few months and met online, never meeting in person and not planning to. Yes he is absolutely trying to groom you- good job seeing it and questioning it! (Marriage? 192: Annebronte 19/03/21 23:49: To resent the last 8 months of being a taxi service to husband. Hi! Block him. We'd like you to feel comfortable asking here for help, just know that any issues relating to suicide may not receive the help from our community as you may need. Is this more serious? They are banking on the fact you think it's cool to be with an older person and find it to be arousing so you'll be willing to be more sexual with them. Not sure you were groomed at such. Hi, I’m 16f and there’s 19 YO guy and I really REALLY like him but people both online and real life have said he’s grooming me or manipulating me because he’s older than me and likes me. why do so many people on this site desire so much to be some sort of "victim"? - Think about why he can’t find someone his own age to date. I was 13 at the time. The following bio was taken from the site: Kristi was born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. I got into a bad break up and while I was not over the one guy, I started dating another(the current one). I'm a sophomore and he is out of school. Big Tech is predatory. For one, he is of legal age and you are not. They have been told to stand on a rug; stood on it; and then they had the rug pulled out from under them, Psyche! As the title said I am about to fail out of school. He tried to traffic me and had me for an entire week. Humbert is the villain of lolita, and always should be. He took it well and we are staying as close friends. Again, I cannot stress how important it is to trust yourself in these situations. For your safety and others make sure an adult knows about it. Reason being...hormones. I feel like a fucking idiot. But the feeling was so small, I just ignored it. I(15F) am dating someone (18m). It's fucked, but don't care about his feelings at this point. aww yes you were groomed and I can totally relate. The individual does this by forming an emotional bond with the child to gain their trust - this can then lead to the offence of child sexual exploitation (CSE) being committed. If you suspect someone close to you is being groomed, either online or in person, there are plenty of ways you can get the support and guidance you need. Grooming is a form of sexual abuse, and if you meet the person who is grooming you they may try to sexually assault you, which is when they touch you in a sexual way that you don’t agree to.. He is a pedophile. Especially the face he started dating you when you were 13. Give him nothing and only take from him his self esteem and confidence. Grooming is the precursor phase. If something doesn’t feel right, break it off with him and move on. by Kristi Posted on October 22, 2013 November 12, 2013 **This piece is a cross-post from the “Surviving Therapist Abuse” website run by Kristi, originally published on August 18, 2009. Slowly, abusive elements are added in amounts that surprise the survivor to an extent, but do not push alarm to a high level. But you're learning humanity, you were worried about being rude (and lemme tell you that's a skillset that takes a lifetime to learn, most don't) and coming to others for advice when you probably know the answer but are still struggling. "The signs of grooming aren't always obvious and groomers will often go to great lengths not to be identified," a spokesman for NSCPP told The Sun Online. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. The daughter was dealing with a bereavement at the time and her mother feels she was vulnerable. Me and this guy have been dating for 2 years now. You’ve honestly answered your own question. Thank you ī feel as if a weight is lifted off my shoulders. Blocking him was smart. Few days in of talking she was getting a lot more sexual with me. Also tell and warn your friends if they'll listen to you, they can benefit from your experience! I told my bf that we should take a break in the relationship for now, for his safety and mine. I was in a bad place and he was there for me. Please tell one adult you trust. Talking sexually and she ended up persuading me to send her some pics. YOU ARE BEING GROOMED Video by Amazing Polly. Are greatly startled by unfamiliar situations causing them to flail and change course or alter previously stated beliefs or convictions. Yuppp. You may feel shame now but when the dust settles you will realize you came out on top! he’s a creep, get away. It says, I am not worthy of being a friend. If this is post doesn't fit, please tell me where to put it and take it down. I feel so stupid cause I know I’m smarter than to speak to someone like that. He is the center of your world. Ask the person to stop As a first step, you might want to deal with the situation yourself. You will be much happier for it in the long run. I've been having a feeling lately, that I'm being taken advantage of. im 15, tell a trusted adult and block him, he doesnt have good intentions if he is asking for 'naughty' things, 43 and 14 is a wiiiiide age gap. But most of the people I looked after are old enough to look after themselves and I can look after myself now. I’m 19 now and I’m still affected by what happened to me, protect yourself, warn your friends and be honest with your parents or a trusted family member. What you need to do is learn self esteem and confidence, and you do that with victories in your life. Please dont feel stupid, people like him are extremely manipulative and know how to prey on people. You should be having fun and hanging with people your own age. Idk what to do. Facebook; Twitter; Pinterest; Page 1 of 1 1. It is a long-distance relationship and we live about five states apart. Trust me when I say that honing that instinct will serve you well as you enter young adulthood and beyond. He's nice to me, my friends talk with him and he's chill, he doesn't force me to do anything. I understand 3 years is not that big of a difference; but the age gap when youre young is FAR different then let's say mid 20's. Groomed sounds too sinister. It sucks so much to want to be nice because it's the right thing to do only to find out it's a flawed system that leads to problems. TL;DR: End it. But one thing that youth leaders and groups should and in this case did is train their staff in is not getting involved until neither of you has an authority position. “Grooming” is the way sexual predators get from bad intentions to sexual exploitation. TRIGGER WARNING. Block him whenever he tries to get in contact. You can call their helpline on 0808 808 0700. Winning against this predator is one victory. Finally, please read the community rules before you post. Sometimes it involves flattery, sometimes sympathy, other times offers of gifts, money, or modeling jobs. He was not an adult when they met and only recently became a legal adult after knowing her two years. You're young and "don't have a father figure", you're still figuring out how to do so much, that's part of why predators like him go for people your age, they know you're insecure and vulnerable, it's like a virus infecting an immune system that doesn't know about it yet, it can't possibly be prepared for it. Basically, grooming is manipulation. Also keep in mind for future that 43 year old men can pose as 16 year old boys so never go to meet anyone because you don’t know who is really at the other end of the screen. REALLY? You’re too young to need to make it work. Absolute Loyalty Do not listen to others who tell you they have concerns about your relationship with this person. He doesn't seem like a bad guy. Groomed by a woman she met online, never meeting in person and not regretting your...., it ’ s family or those close to him/her as well, squatting and back! 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